||[Oct. 27th, 2005|12:08 am]
|||||... tired but well ...||]|
|||||On Graveyard... in the Office.||]|
I want to go horseback riding soon, I miss it more than words can explain. I hope to go riding sometime in November, after I get my wisdom teeth out, maybe the second week, since I might have plans for the following week. All in all, riding is such a great release and something I haven't done in so long. I miss my horses and I miss the outdoors [although I go outside every day...] there is just something different an un-explainable about riding.. I just have to do it.
I need to go to the gym. Point blank. Tomorrow would be a great day to do that, but I honestly don't have a second to spare from the minute I get up at 7:30am, to midnight when I go to bed. I haven't been eating a lot or too much un-healthy foodlately, which is good, smaller portions always work out the best for me, snacks here and there. It helps when I don't have crap in my fridge, which I generally don't... so I'm all set. Plenty of water and whole grains for this chick.
The winter is near approaching... I like the cool weather, the brisk morning air... I love being all bundled up and walking around, it's up lifting for some reason. At night though, when it gets colder and darker out, I tend to get very introverted, not necessarily in a bad way, but I tend to reflect and think a lot, I like to spend a lot more time by myself now than I really used to. I cherish my time with my friends greatly, but there's something nice about being comfortable and okay with just being alone and relaxing, or doing whatever strikes me. With those quiet nights sometimes comes a bit of lonliness, but not so much that I'm about to call anyone to just come over to spend the night or anything. Hell no... it's not that serious - but a companion here and there would be nice.
I've been thinking more and more about being in a relationship and men/relationships/people in general - I was actually conversing with a good friend of mine tonight about it; ironic... and we seem to be in the same boat too. No need for details here, but we were literally in the same situation and are now feeling the same way about how that situation from the past might, and is, in fact effecting our present lives and potential future relationships. It's gotten so difficult for me to accept people as genuine, caring, kind, sincere and with out "a catch". My past has made me so numb to these things, and I wish it wasn't so, but it really is and I've become more and more aware of it. I'm able to separate my emotions from reality, which can be both good and bad, but I know how to think with my heart separately from my head. [Go figure, a female that can actually do that, I know, crazy isn't it?] So, with that said, I'm unsure of where I stand. I'd like to be with someone amazing, who wouldn't? I'm just, numb, it's hard for me to feel, especially without reason to feel. I guess why I become very intense with someone I'm interested in quite quickly. My mom always warns me that I "dive in head first" all the time, and she's probably right, but I find that when I do that, I learn and move on if it's not right, and there is no bullshit, or time wasted, and I live and I learn. She told me today that I have to take things slowly, and I have to see what happens, and just let time figure things out for me sometimes, but it's just so hard for me to sit back and watch/wait.
I'm on graveyard right now, very tired actually. Perhaps it was that glass of wine at dinner tonight [kidding]. I have to work at 8:30am, and am definately not looking forward to it one bit, I have a paper or two to write tomorrow as well as two classes that I must be attentive in, and duty from 6pm - 12am. This weekend, I'm on weekend duty, great fun. So, hopefully Friday I'll be able to go off and do something remotely off-campus so that I'm not chained here all weekend.
I've decided, that the US needs a day, or maybe just I need a day [lol] dedicated strictly to "personal health." I mean, there are holidays for everything imaginable, but none for personal health or well-being, when in fact thats the kind of holiday everyone could benefit from. A day free from meetings, classes, scheduled events, cell phones, pagers, email, or any kind of anything that a person would want to take a break from. It would be great to have a nationally recognized "relaxation" day. ... Knowing America, everyone's family would turn the holiday into another BBQ... there goes that idea.
Back to graveyard.