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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2006|01:42 pm]
It's been ages... months even since I've written last. I think the novelty of it all has definately worn off for now. I've been writing almost daily in my "real" journal... that seems to be more efficient for me lately.

Things are good. Spring break next week, I'll most likely be working.

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(no subject) [Nov. 26th, 2005|10:49 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |None at the moment]

Borrowed from Ms. Diamond:

* I hope that I won't be that wrong anymore,
I hope that I've learned this time
I hope that I find what I'm reaching for,
The way that it is in my mind.

I'd rather believe in love
And give it away as much as I can,
To those who I'm fondest of. *.
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(no subject) [Nov. 17th, 2005|06:49 pm]
[mood |rushedrushed]
[music |None for once?]

I miss writing in my "real" journal, I think I'll start doing that again. There's something more personal about really writing, and not typing that is missing from my entrys... no annoying survey's or quiz's to fill out, I find that I write more emotion when I have a pen and paper in front of me than a keyboard, AIM and launch.yahoo up and running.

Quick notes:
1. Finally [almost] got through this week, was busy
2. Florida in a few short hours [4:40am = departure]
3. I miss Harvey! {He's at my mom's house}
4. Thanksgiving = lots of food = I'll be making lots of money
5. Tired, soo tired of my mouth still hurting from surgery.

Here's to a hopefully entertaining, worth-while trip to Florida.
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51 Questions [Nov. 14th, 2005|10:50 am]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Nada, working in the office.]

1. What is your middle name? Mary

2. Last person you kissed? Wouldn't you like to know.

3. What are you listening to right now? Nada, at work, it's quiet.

4. Last two digits of your phone? 96

5. Last thing you ate? A bagel for breakfast

6. Last person you hugged? Luis

7. How is the weather right now? Strangely warm outside today

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Lady that needed to know where the Mulicultural center is in the Wintergreen building - gotta love working in Student Affairs!

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Everything. They way they carry themselves.

10. Favorite type of Food? Good food.

13.Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you didnt remeber? Only once or twice.

14. Hair color? Light brown

15. Eye color? Dark Brown

16. Do you wear contacts? No Sir.

17. Favorite Holiday? Thanksgiving, good food.

18.Whens your Birthday? October 13th

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? Yessir.

20. Last Movie you Watched? Derailed [<--- very good]... or Mission Impossible 2

21.Last time you were at work? I am at work... grr

22. Last time you were out of state.? Hmm... with Kristen a few weeks ago, we went to NYC.

23. last time you went bowling? Thought about going last night... but it's been a while, RA training a long time ago.

24. something unusual about you? I'm truthful

25. favorite breakfast food? Omelet.. toast.. fresh fruit. Yum.

26. Favorite color? Brown, Green, Black

27. what are you afraid of? I don't like being afraid - ie. scary movies.

28. If you could take a trip anywhere where would it be? The Caribbean again... I miss it.

29. What books are you reading? Was reading Nights in Rodanthe, but didn't get a chance to finish it.

30. Piercings? Ears and belly button :)

31. Favorite movie? Don't have one

32. Favorite basketball team? Don't have one

33. What were you doing before you filled this out? Working, filing payroll

34. Any pets? Many. The ones that are in my apartment: Harvey [hamster] and 3 fish.

35. AIM? What about it? Luvn3hrses <-- my sn.

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Depends on my mood... I like all.

37. Dogs or cat? Both

38. Favorite Flower? Hmm... good question, not sure.

39. Have you ever been caught doing something you werent: Does that make sense? LOL

40. Are you single or taken? I am Single.

41.Have you ever loved someone? Yes.

42. Who would you like to see right now? I would like to see my bed.. but that's not a person ha.

43. Are you still friends with your exes? Yes, all of them.

44. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes, many times.


46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Righty, but I can write with my left hand if I have to.

47. If you can be with someone right now, who would it be? Be with meaning have a bf? I'd rather not.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? Four.

49. Are you missing someone? Nope, not at all.

50. Do you have a Tattoo? I have one. It's on my wrist.

51. Do you still watch cartoons on saturday mornings? Nah, not usually. I used to.
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(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2005|10:34 am]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Jazz [I-tunes]]

10:30 on Tuesday morning, November 8th, 2005.

I have two papers to write, due both by 4:40 this afternoon and I want nothing more than to take a nap and wake up to see them printed out and waiting on my desk... doesn't look like that's a possibility though... paper writing it is for me [sigh].

Had to pick up pain meds this morning from my mom because the nights are getting to be severely uncomfortable - feels like there is a migrane in my jaw/teeth.

Life has been the usual, nothing "exciting" to report.

I will be in Florida from the 18th - 21st on a Leadership Conference for Student Government, should be interesting. My last Florida experience was "eh"... so I'm hoping this one will prove to be a bit more enjoyable.

What else.. hmm.. no plans as of yet for the weekend except for a dinner date with Lyndsay on Satuday - I'm open for suggestions...

I find out about the F.A.C.E. model thing next week, exciting.

Paper time... wish it was nap time instead.
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"Home" Sweet "Home" / Back on Track [Nov. 5th, 2005|07:55 am]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |None]

I'm glad to say that the wisdom teeth removal was an extremely smooth operation. I went in at 11:00am yesterday morning and was out by 12:30pm. My mom took me home to rest and here I am, the next day, almost in no pain... I'm so glad and so surprised that I'm not in excrutiating pain - no puking, headaches, ear aches... [knock on wood] Right now I'm doing well, and should be good as new 100% by Monday if everything goes according to plan.

I have so much homework to do between now and Monday, I almost wish I was in a bit more pain so that I would'nt have to do it. I have 3 papers and a power point presentation to prepare, and I'm definately not in the mood to do any of it.

Oh, almost forgot... once again my gut feeling was right again - so glad I finally forced myself to listen to it and didn't waste any more time on this guy. I mean, don't get me wrong, he was a sweetheart when he was, but when he wasn't it was so very frustrating and confusing for me. It was difficult not to be able to hold a conversation or ask questions, he always seemed to find it funny that I wanted to get to know him, I guess it's just not meant to be. I was tired of forcing it and tired of putting in all the effort to continue to be nice and interested when I didn't get the same in return. I deserve to be happy and to have someone that is as equally interested in me - for the right reasons - as I am in them. Until then, I'm chillen. Another lesson learned.

Back to bed.. it's early; 8:00am and I went to bed at 2:30/3:00, why am I up? Not so sure.

Goodnight... again.
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Good Stuff [Nov. 2nd, 2005|01:30 am]
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |Bobby Valentino - My Angel {Never Leave You}]

It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who wont be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember, in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring, becomes the rose
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(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2005|11:13 pm]
[mood |contentChillaxin!]
[music |Ying Yang Twin's - My Brother's Keeper]

... Tryouts were tonight ... So anxious/excited/curious to find out if I made it or not. :)
"Call Backs" are on the 13th.... Can't wait...

Today was a good day, doctors appointment tomorrow and getting my wisdom teeth removed on Friday.. fun!

Hmm... what else. Happy still, doing well for myself. Apartment is a mess right now, but will clean it before bed...


An absolutely BEAUTIFUL song:

India Aire, Ready for Love <3

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be pacient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with a offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready
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Elizabethtown [Oct. 31st, 2005|12:16 am]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Ben Harper [makes me happy] :)]

No longer will I spend time sharing with others that do not wish to share with me, no longer will I put myself out there, only to be hurt, time and time again. No longer will I live to please others, but live instead for me. No longer will I ignore my heart when it tells me to move on, or love. My brain, when it tells me yes or no.

I feel great inside, outside... with myself and I'm going to start again now, I'm back on track.

Something clicked inside, and I feel whole again.

New start, tonight, right now.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
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(no subject) [Oct. 30th, 2005|06:06 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Kayne - Hey Mama]

Interesting weekend, learned a lot about people, places and things to say the least.
Have yet another perspective on life to add to my collection.

Weekend Duty was long, but relaxing overall, and despite complaning about it, I think it was good for me.

Excited to get off campus tonight with my girl, Meg. Going to dinner and the movies, she'll be a great date I'm sure. Had fun w/ JLGA this weekend.

Men are sketchy and I quit them all.
Point blank.
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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2005|07:39 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Rustling of people in the hallway.]

Words to live by:

1. Never compromise yourself, you're all you've got.
2. Always be honest, even if it hurts. [Don't lie]
3. Never stress what you cannot control.
4. Nothings ever promised tomorrow, today.
5. Surround yourself with only people who are going to life you higher.
6. Live each day knowing that there is some one out there, always, that wants to see you happy.
7. Choose to be happy
8. Be the change you wish to see in the world.
9. Never sell yourself short, you're capable of anything.
10. You will never lose by loving, only from holding back.
11. Never allow someone to be your priority when you are merely an option to them.

12.Boys are "wittle babies"... take their candy [<--Compliments of Kristen]
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(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2005|12:21 am]
[mood |okayokay]
[music |Echoing August - Hands]

I feel... shit, I can't even describe it right now... I'd guess a thousand feelings at once.

I'm tired... of the drama that comes with this job.

I love my job, I love being an RA, love helping people, being that shoulder to lean on, helping out with homework, forming bonds with my staff, and every other positive thing that comes along with it. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for the positive things. I don't even care about the huge apartment that I am so fortunate to live in, I lived in a room the size of my closet now last year, and I loved it just the same. ... I'm extremely greatful every day for all of the blessings I have - and the great situation I've worked my way up the ladder for.

It just seems that when I'm "on top" and doing my job, there is always someone who is attempting to pull me down. It's not personal though, I do my job when I have to do my job. And, I can hold a conversation with a person I've written up the next day about anything in the world, I wouldn't think twice about letting them cry on my shoulder, even if they [for example] did something wrong last night. [It's happened]... And I'm glad that I have the ability to separate my personal life from my job. It's a skill that is needed, especially with this job. And I can say, that I do it well.

I'm also proud of myself, for being 20 years old, living in an "upper classmen" style apartment, maintaining a respectable GPA, paying for my food, gas, occasional bills, personal expenses, being extremely involved on campus, having great friends and excelling in day to day activities. I am my own support system and I love that. I know where to go and who to talk with when I need a hand or a pick-me-up. I have my not-so-good days, sure, but I always know why and how to get right back on track and moving forward. I am stable, emotionally, physically and mentally. I am strong, and I am proud of that too. I've learned through the years and situations I've been in that not everyone is going to like me, and that is completely okay. I've accepted that and I know how to move on, I will not allow myself to dwell on the negativity that people impose on my life, I will not let them bring me down for standing up for what I beleive in, my job, or the people that I care about.

So that's my rant. And I am going to fold four, yes four, loads of laundry before I pass out.
It's been another long, busy, and focused day in the life of Jennifer...

A final thought from Kanye:

"And I Heard 'Em Say... nothin's
ever promised tomorrow today...
nothing lasts forever, but be honest
babe.. They say people in your life
are seasons, And anything that
happens is for a reason."
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(no subject) [Oct. 27th, 2005|12:08 am]
[mood |okay... tired but well ...]
[music |On Graveyard... in the Office.]

Random thoughts:

I want to go horseback riding soon, I miss it more than words can explain. I hope to go riding sometime in November, after I get my wisdom teeth out, maybe the second week, since I might have plans for the following week. All in all, riding is such a great release and something I haven't done in so long. I miss my horses and I miss the outdoors [although I go outside every day...] there is just something different an un-explainable about riding.. I just have to do it.

I need to go to the gym. Point blank. Tomorrow would be a great day to do that, but I honestly don't have a second to spare from the minute I get up at 7:30am, to midnight when I go to bed. I haven't been eating a lot or too much un-healthy foodlately, which is good, smaller portions always work out the best for me, snacks here and there. It helps when I don't have crap in my fridge, which I generally don't... so I'm all set. Plenty of water and whole grains for this chick.

The winter is near approaching... I like the cool weather, the brisk morning air... I love being all bundled up and walking around, it's up lifting for some reason. At night though, when it gets colder and darker out, I tend to get very introverted, not necessarily in a bad way, but I tend to reflect and think a lot, I like to spend a lot more time by myself now than I really used to. I cherish my time with my friends greatly, but there's something nice about being comfortable and okay with just being alone and relaxing, or doing whatever strikes me. With those quiet nights sometimes comes a bit of lonliness, but not so much that I'm about to call anyone to just come over to spend the night or anything. Hell no... it's not that serious - but a companion here and there would be nice.

I've been thinking more and more about being in a relationship and men/relationships/people in general - I was actually conversing with a good friend of mine tonight about it; ironic... and we seem to be in the same boat too. No need for details here, but we were literally in the same situation and are now feeling the same way about how that situation from the past might, and is, in fact effecting our present lives and potential future relationships. It's gotten so difficult for me to accept people as genuine, caring, kind, sincere and with out "a catch". My past has made me so numb to these things, and I wish it wasn't so, but it really is and I've become more and more aware of it. I'm able to separate my emotions from reality, which can be both good and bad, but I know how to think with my heart separately from my head. [Go figure, a female that can actually do that, I know, crazy isn't it?] So, with that said, I'm unsure of where I stand. I'd like to be with someone amazing, who wouldn't? I'm just, numb, it's hard for me to feel, especially without reason to feel. I guess why I become very intense with someone I'm interested in quite quickly. My mom always warns me that I "dive in head first" all the time, and she's probably right, but I find that when I do that, I learn and move on if it's not right, and there is no bullshit, or time wasted, and I live and I learn. She told me today that I have to take things slowly, and I have to see what happens, and just let time figure things out for me sometimes, but it's just so hard for me to sit back and watch/wait.

I'm on graveyard right now, very tired actually. Perhaps it was that glass of wine at dinner tonight [kidding]. I have to work at 8:30am, and am definately not looking forward to it one bit, I have a paper or two to write tomorrow as well as two classes that I must be attentive in, and duty from 6pm - 12am. This weekend, I'm on weekend duty, great fun. So, hopefully Friday I'll be able to go off and do something remotely off-campus so that I'm not chained here all weekend.

I've decided, that the US needs a day, or maybe just I need a day [lol] dedicated strictly to "personal health." I mean, there are holidays for everything imaginable, but none for personal health or well-being, when in fact thats the kind of holiday everyone could benefit from. A day free from meetings, classes, scheduled events, cell phones, pagers, email, or any kind of anything that a person would want to take a break from. It would be great to have a nationally recognized "relaxation" day. ... Knowing America, everyone's family would turn the holiday into another BBQ... there goes that idea.

Back to graveyard.
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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2005|09:26 pm]
[mood |Chill]
[music |The Fray - Over My Head]

Today was a decent day... plenty of working as Monday's usually entail.

Finally did ALL of my laundry, 4+ loads worth, I thought it was never going to end.
Figured it was a good time to do it, since it was beginning to creep up my wall.

Hopefully I'll squeeze in a few hours to go to the gym this week... despite my busy schedule;
I haven't gone in the last two-three weeks, and I truly miss it. It's a great release that I just
haven't been getting... so, note to self: drag your ass to the gym tomorrow night.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, but nothing too serious, random shit mostly... I'm going to partially attribute it to the constant rainfall [not necessarily a bad thing], but I've been very introverted and reflective the past week or so.

I want to go horseback riding, and I was drawing again tonight... miss doing that "me" stuff.. I need to do that more often... note to self part two: more "me" time. lol.

Enough of that. Time for Staff Meeting then homework perhaps... Yes, homework [yuck.]
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(no subject) [Oct. 23rd, 2005|04:03 am]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Neighbor's yelling at 4:00am... woo!]

Things were much better today, despite the constant rain fall and mishaps, I had a really good day. I've been up since 7am and it's now 4am the following day... so I'm very tired. Just wanted to say that things are seeming to look up... [not that they were ever down] but I kinda have a good feeling about things. We'll see what happens.

"Every step you take could be your biggest mistake, it could bend or it could break,
but that's just the risk that you take." - Coldplay, 2005
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Been so long. [Oct. 21st, 2005|01:57 am]
[mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[music |The Fray - Vienna]

"Forbid love ever leave you empty-handed, But if it does, May it
leave you patient and stronger, Willing and wiser, tender and tougher."

This is the second time I'm attempting to write this entry, I closed out the first one... here goes.

I haven't written a sincere "my life has been _______" entry in the longest time, not even in my hand-written journal. It's been weeks, maybe even a month or more.

I've allowed myself to be okay with being numb and uneffected by everyone and everything. For the first time in a long time, tonight, I've decided to allow myself to reflect on these feelings, instead of sleeping them off and waking up tomorrow with a new, unaffected day.

I think it's because I'm unsure that anyone is worth my emotions, efforts and love right now. That sounds strange, but I'm so tired of continually being the girl with the big heart, who everyone loves and cares about, talks about,"you're amazing, you're beautiful" when all they want is to sleep with me. Yes, I'm tired of that too, very tired of it. I've known men to put in so much fake-effort just to get what they want. That's so screwed up. It makes women like myself jaded.

Bit of a rant: Since when did it become okay for a grown man to invite himself over a woman's for the night by saying "I'm tryin'a stay over Shorty." Are you kidding me? Enough said... I'm fed up with it. So many men that I've come across here at school are so shallow in that sense. I'm not sure that they understand that I am so much more than that, that I'm so far from that girl who just says "sure stay the night." It doesn't work like that, my feelings and heart are not to be spread around campus.

With that being said, I'm really really careful about who I choose to spend my time with. As it is, I barely have enough time to sit down and take five deep breaths, let alone spend countless hours with a person, getting to know them, sharing with them on a thousand different levels, only to find out they only want to get in my bed.. or my pants, same thing. Once again, it doesn't work that way with me and unless I decide to throw my life down the tubes and become a waste of life, which will NEVER happen, so count on it never working that way.

I deserve someone who is caring, committed, proud, intelligent, handsome, secure, confident, empathetic, aware, strong and driven. I'm tired of the people who don't do shit with their lives, spit game and expect me to jump in their pants just because they "play football" or what have you. It doesn't work. Move along little doggies, gross.

I attribute all of these [although most of them are not negative/bad feelings,] to past relationships and encounters with all of the men in my life. Through sharing with others, I've learned so much about my self, about my needs and wants, about what I love to give, about how I hurt and what I need to do when I must heal. I've learned compassion, grace, patience and heartache, and it's made me the woman I am today.

It was my birthday last week, it was horrible. [It's really just another day, it's not like I ordered a 3pc. marching band or anything. I'll leave it at that. I went out, was nice, fell asleep alone. Great 20th birthday, if only I was completely aware of the part where I dropped my phone down in the club and some lucky person snatched it up.

This week has been hectic, but not impossible. I haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately, so my typing is beginning to blur. I'll finish this tomorrow.

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(no subject) [Oct. 9th, 2005|05:51 pm]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]
[music |silence]

Your Personality Is
Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.
Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.
You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.
You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!
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(no subject) [Sep. 3rd, 2005|01:23 am]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Jazz [I-tunes]]

Checked out the party scene tonight... first time in a while. I remember why I hadn't missed it. Yes, it's 1:23am on a Friday night after the huge "homecoming game" at Southern... and I'm back in my room, listening to Jazz - why? Perhaps it was the 50+ cat calls, whistles, hey ma', lemme get at you, how you doin', damn you fine, lemme get some of that, you got a boyfriend - comments that I received and had to ignore all night. My question for all the guys out there, did it ever occur to anyone that saying these things to women, especially intelligent, sober ones does not get you far at all, in fact, it's almost a regression step. Gross. I'm all set with that.
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(no subject) [Aug. 31st, 2005|11:34 am]
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |Reggae]

It's been forever since I've written last. Months even...

The end of the summer went well, but R.A. training was a bitch - for lack of a better word.

The semester has begun, and I'm once again a very busy young lady, meetings, SGA, 3 places of employment, four classes and an internship. I'm definately staying on task this semester, no room for procrastination or slacking.

Not much else to say... nothing new since the last entry - a few small events, but nothing too crazy.

Off to SGA, Class, and another class...
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Hmm.. shocked? Nope. [Jul. 17th, 2005|04:13 pm]

You Are the Loyalist


You have strong relationships and are intensely loyal.

People find you easy to love and care for.

You like your world to be stable and secure, no surprises.

You're cautious. You prefer your inner circle to the outside world.

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